This past year has been a whirlwind of emotions. Happy, Hopeful, Sad, Mourning, Helpless, Grief stricken, Heart-Broken, JOY and the list could go on. I’ve had my fair share of personal tragedy this year, not to mention such events like this past weekend that weigh in on this momma’s heart too. It’s almost too much for me to bear.
That’s why I’m so thankful I don’t have to bear it. Christ has already bore all the pain, sorrow, mourning, heartache, grief and sting of death for me. If I didn’t have that HOPE I would be lost. Not only literally, but spiritually and emotionally as well.
The year started out with my Dad in the hospital with what seemed to be pneumonia. Then, spots were found on his lungs and a diagnosis of Cancer was confirmed. It was 18 short days later that he went HOME eternally. It is just now, 10 months later, that I am beginning to fully comprehend that I will never lay earthly eyes on my Daddy again. That in and of itself is difficult enough – losing a parent.
Then, 2 months to the day after his passing, I found myself extremely ill and unable to control the pain I had. A few weeks later, I miscarried our 6-week old baby. Around the 3-month mark, I found myself in the hospital for 5 days. Two weeks after that I was in the hospital again, but for 6 days this time. It wasn’t until after the 2nd hospital stay that we finally got a diagnosis (Ulcerative Colitis) and could start to work on the physical issue at hand.
The summer months seemed to find some calmness and normalcy to them. We found out we were pregnant again and kept the news quiet. Only a couple of family members knew of the news. We had the first ultrasound, heard a heartbeat and I began to feel hopeful. I began to think that with all the pain of the year, this baby would bring some much-needed JOY and happiness to our lives and the family. But, just as we began to tell people the news, I miscarried again at 13 weeks. It was one of the most painful and excruciating experiences of my life. And instead of bringing home a baby, I came home empty and feeling void.
And now this horrific act of violence and display of evil. I couldn’t even watch the news. I have avoided the TV, news media of any kind really, like the plague. The pain of losing a baby I never held is almost too much, but thinking about losing my own children – ones that I’ve raised, nurtured, fed, clothed, cuddled, changed, held with sleepy eyes and stared at for hours in amazement. I can’t even imagine. And then, I had to stop. I had to stop thinking about it, wondering what it would be like. I couldn’t take it. I had to remove myself from the situation and rest in the knowledge the God is still God and He sits on the throne!
Please don’t think me callous. I am anything but. However, I know that I can’t change anything that happened and the twists of agony in the pits of my stomach were simply too much. And so I stepped away. I have and will continue to pray for the families that lost loved ones. For the Mom’s who will never see their babies on this earth again and had to spend the weekend making funeral arrangements, which (in a perfect world) should never happen, especially for such little babies – innocent souls.
However, I can’t help but also pray for the other Adam’s out there. His soul was L-O-S-T…lost. He was a troubled teen that needed Jesus Christ and His saving grace. I can’t help but wonder how many are out there. How many of these young people, whether from broken homes or “troubled areas” have never heard the name of Jesus preached and proclaimed. How many of them have never felt safe where they live, let alone in the great big world full of evil and hatred. I am not saying these tragedies are the fault of the parents. Since the fall of man, evil has roamed this world. It has been eating away at people one by one and society as a whole. It is the church who is the light and salt of the earth. It is we (the church) who are to both enlighten and preserve society by the Truth of Jesus Christ. I’m afraid that the troubled youth in america may more likely find a pat on the back than the eternal truth of their need for a Savior.
Oh sure the nation has rallied together to promote prayer and lash out against violence in the wake of this latest tragedy. But that’s all it is – a rally. In a few weeks or months time, most of the nation will move on and remember this as a tragedy, but only in passing. For those of us not near the epicenter, it almost seems like a bad dream. But the heart of the matter and the bottom line is this world needs JESUS CHRIST and His saving grace!!!! There is no other way to say it or get around it. We, as a human race, have tried to “fix” the world with our man-made laws and man-made rules, when God gave us all the rules and laws we need in His Word. He lined out 10 specific laws or commandments in Exodus 20:3-17. As time went on he gave more guidelines and rules to follow. And when His ONE AND ONLY SON came down to earth to live as a man, while still being fully God, he gave us a way for redemption. We have to accept Him as our Lord and Savior – the Master of our life. We have to have faith in his death on the cross to pay the penalty for our lives of sin. And that penalty that he paid has earned our life in sacrifice to him (Rom. 12:1-2). He’s not just a best friend to the friendless or a Father to the fatherless, He is our Master. And we need to treat him as such. We need to fear Him and His wrath. We need more than a revival in this nation. We need a complete overhaul by the Master Himself. But make no mistake, should the Lord see fit to grant our request and allow a complete overhaul to take place it will not be easy. In fact, it will most likely be worse before its better. After all, you can’t appreciate the mountaintop if you’ve never climbed up from the valley.
So what I ask is simply this. PRAY. Pray without ceasing. Pray on your knees. Pray prostrate before the Lord and truly humble yourself before Him. Pray for courage, strength and endurance to run the race. And believe me, this will be a long race. We may never see the fruits of our prayers and petitions, but we need to start paving the way for our children and grandchildren and even great-grandchildren. It takes REPENTANCE. It takes a BOLD LEAP OF FAITH. It takes Christians falling on their faces and humbling themselves before Him. It takes an indwelling of the Holy Spirit among His people. Then and only then will we see change. It will take time. After all, it’s taken us thousands of years to get to this point.
I began this blog by the prompting of the Holy Spirit and I must say that since then I haven’t always followed through on what was on my heart. On what I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to say. Why? FEAR. Plain and simple. I was afraid of what people would say. Not so much the people I didn’t know as the people who were closest to me. But I can not stay silent anymore. I may not physically have a voice today, but that’s okay because I want HIS voice to be heard loud and clear – not mine. I hope and pray you will join me.
If you liked this post, you might want to check out a new blog I’m subscribed to, MOB Society. She also had a great post today on this topic. And Amy’s post today goes right along with my heart and thoughts.
Linking this post up:
Raising Arrows, The Better Mom, The Prairie Homestead, Time-Warp Wife, Growing Home, Far Above Rubies, Raising Homemakers, Deep Roots At Home, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Raising Mighty Arrows, What’s Cooking, Love?, Our Simple Country Life – Hearts 4 Home Thursdays, Passionate and Creative Homemaking